Chugging Right Along

The kids and I are all moved into our new home!

Such a pivotal moment.

This is our first home as a single-parent household and I am in charge!!
(scary thought)

I think being a Marine wife all those years was good practice though.

Being alone is nothing new to me.

Being solely responsible for the bills, food, kids, pets, etc....

I've been doing that already so its not that big of a change.

I do miss the relationship though, to be completely honest.

Not that specific relationship, per se. That wasn't a good one.

But I miss having someone.

I'm such a lover, and I loved being married, and I want to be loved.

I'm actually in this really weird state of confusion about it all.

I know I'm not mentally ready for another relationship. Not yet.

I was forced to fall out of love with my husband because he didn't want

to be married anymore. That doesn't just happen overnight.

It's been painful and its been a process.

Theres a lot of healing currently going on. I'm learning a lot about myself.

I am actively building on my confidence and self-worth.

I've never actually had the time to focus on myself because I was always so

preoccupied with trying to keep my husband from wandering.

I never realized how much I lost myself during my marriage until I talked to my sister.

The way she describes watching me get emotionally beat down for years is hard to hear.

But I get it. I totally see it and feel it now.

So before I get into any other serious relationship, I am going to make sure I am healed

from this one first so I can give this new person my all.

I do have a sense of fear when it comes to future relationships though.

I'm afraid I will never find someone who will want to take in 3 small kids.

Thats a huge undertaking and would take a very special person.

Not only that, but I will be very selective since this person will be a big part of my children's life.

Part of me is preparing to just be single forever.

On the other hand, I am very much looking forward to a new relationship.

A chance to start anew. A chance to feel loved the way I've never felt before.

To have someone 100% committed to me through good times and bad, sickness

and health, till death do us part. The girly girl in me gets excited thinking about that fairy tale.

I love to love. I love the idea of dedicating yourself to one person for the rest of your life.

I think being in love is a beautiful, magical thing and I would love to show my kids what a real

relationship is. How a man should treat a woman. How the art of marriage still exists.

Someday. I hope.

For now I am 100% mommy. My kids are the most important things in my life.

I am concentrating on creating a home, a new routine, a new way of living.

Since I left that yuckiness I have found it so much easier to be present in my kids lives.

We are playing Candy Land and eating ice cream and having sing-a-longs in the car to the 

Frozen soundtrack. We have been cheerleaders at Davin's t-ball games, having sleepovers with friends,

gardening and learning to appreciate all the nature that surrounds us, including baby scorpions.

We have been having so much fun and since I feel better about myself, it is making

things easier on them. 

The weirdest thing is I feel more like a family now than ever before.

My wish for my children is that they will look back on this when they are older and see

the effort I put in to take care of us. We've been "on our own" for 6 months and we have our own home,

a great group of friends, a new (to us) car, delicious nutritious meals and we have fun!

(And hopefully by the end of the week, Mommy will have a full-time position with the State of CA.

Interview is Wednesday so wish me luck!!)

I have seen the bond between my children grow closer and that's when I realize that we will be ok.

We don't have it all, but we have each other and they know it.

What's next for us:
Interview on Wednesday

Signing Davin up for summer Karate

Registering the kids for next school year

Registering Britton for daycare

Kayden starts a series of summer field trips with the Boys and Girls club

And my new favorite quote:

Is This Thing On?

Seriously.

I don't even remember the last time I posted something.

I really miss it.

Its not because I haven't wanted to.

I have.

My life has just been insanely chaotic as I try to find my place in this world.

When you dedicate your entire adult life to one person and then you're forced

out of that contentment against your will...it kind of throws you for a loop.

The kids and I have been "on our own" for about 6 months now.

By "on our own" I mean, living with my parents.

All four of us, and our belongings, and our dog and our cat, squeezed into 2 tiny bedrooms...

my parent's flipping the bill for a majority of our expenses.

I've been working, for the first time ever.

That was a huge adjustment for my kids, to not have me around as much.

My mom and sister stepped in and have basically been raising my children these past few months.

I've tried out a couple of different jobs. Trying to find something that works for me and our schedule.

I signed my son up for t-ball, which has been a fun little escape for him.

I just hate missing his games.

His coach was ecstatic to learn that he is a switch-hitter.

I didn't really realize how cool that was until he announced it at a game.

I'm such a proud mommy and he is so proud of his abilities.

My daughter just signed up for the Boys and Girls club and will be going on weekly field trips throughout the summer.

That will be good for her.

As of now, I am still attempting to homeschool.

We took a long hiatus as we went through that initial adjustment.

I just decided that we will continue through the summer until all our work is done.

We still make frequent trips to the library and the kids both get to pick a subject they want

to learn about. They really enjoy that. We've done volcanoes, mummys, and birds.

Not sure what to do about next year.

Kayden is reading a lot and every now and then I add a new chapter book on her kindle.

Britton is potty training and we are about 75% completed!

Haven't tried her at night yet but other than that, she's doing great.

I just took a week vacation for myself. Something I have NEVER done but NEEDED to do.

One of my closest friends was driving home to Dallas with her three kids and two cats.

She's visiting for about 6 wks since her husband is in Afghanistan.

I wasn't about to let her make that trek alone so I offered to go with her.

And I'm so glad I did.

It couldn't have come at a better time.

I needed to get away from my world for a minute and relax and have fun.

And thats exactly what I did.

My short vacay brought up some realizations for me and I returned home with an

urge to clean out the negativity from my life.

I've never been one to "cut" people out, but I started to now.

There are some people that just aren't contributing factors to my emotional well-being and they had to go.

Not only that, but I quit my job.

I know, I've never needed a job more desperately than I do now, but I had to.

It wasn't good for me, lets just say that.

But I'm not going to be one of those single mom divorcees who sponges off the govt.

Although I did just apply for welfare and food stamps...

But I have also spent a majority of my free time filling out job applications to anything and everything I can get my hands on.

I am determined to make a good life for my children dammit.

One of the most exciting new things is that we are finally getting our own place.

I found a 3 br rental that will be perfect for us, for now.

We have spent the last few days cleaning it up and painting it to give us all the fresh start we deserve.

The kids are so excited to settle down somewhere.

We get to move in tomorrow!

This has definitely been one of the greatest hurdles I've had to get over.

It isn't easy by any means.

I have so much anger, hurt, emotions, and questions wrapped up into this.

But I'm trying my hardest to put one foot in front of the other and keep going in the right direction.

I just applied for freaking welfare....

I think I'm about as low as I can get right now.

And the only way to go from here is where?

#25daysofpositive

One of my bestest friends in the whole wide world came up

with this amazing campaign for the month of February.

I am a couple days late posting this, but its never too late to be positive.

From her blog at Just Another Marine SAHM, here is a rundown of how it works:

Facebook is constantly a platform for anger, hatred, bullying, and much more. 

What if someone disagrees with you? Well, obviously it's because they are a homophobe, or racist, or hate the poor, or atheists and hate religious people. 

Seriously. This is not the case. We are all entitled to opinions, especially different ones. How boring would it be if we all believed the same thing? Plus, I love a good intelligent debate. 

But the bashing hateful behavior needs to stop. We need to uplift each other. Display your opinions respectfully,  no need to name call, or put another person down. 

I would love for all of you to join me in #25daysofpositive. It's my birthday month. Do it for me, and for you. 

That status update you were going to post about hating your boss, make it about that awesome coworker who brought you a Starbucks. That news story about that murder, swap it for a good samaritan story. Don't agree with something on TV say just that "I didn't like it" no need to call those who did unpatriotic. 

Try it. Not just on Facebook, when you get mad, force a positive thought. Don't wait on someone else to make you happy, share your joys and relish in your blessings. 

#25daysofpositive find me on Instagram

I love the whole point behind this. 

We could all use a little more positivity in our life.

I, for one, am going through an extremely stressful and emotional situation.

I pledge to do better about focusing on the bright side to things. There is always a bright side!

 

Yesterday was a particularly bad day for the situation I am going through. There was

a lot of tears, anger, panic. Yet I decided to focus on something positive and posted this on Facebook:

"I'm excited to get Bubby signed up for t-ball! :)"

I am excited about that. I'm excited to get settled in our new home. I'm excited to get my children

active in their new community. I'm excited to put the anger, tears, and panic behind me.

 

 So next time you want to post something on FB that is hateful, mean or negative think:

 

 

Breaking News

So this is kind of going along with the whole 

"I wanna have a personal relationship with my readers" thing

...sh*ts about to get real...

I'm getting a divorce.

No shame. This is real life.
I'm not gonna go into details or anything but if you and I are gonna be friends,
I figured Id have to break the news at some point.

I'm going from a stay-at-home mom and wife of a Marine, to a working single mom of 3.
This is going to be a really big adjustment and I can't say I'm not a little nervous. 

We moved back to my home town where my parents live as well as my sister and her family.
I grew up in this small town and know almost everyone so I know I will be taken care of here.
I know I will have everyone's love and support as I try to figure this mess out.

There are so many decisions I need to make and I'm stressing out about it.
Do I work full-time or part-time?
Do I find a 3-bedroom house to rent or try to squeeze into a more affordable 2-bedroom?
Do I have to put my kids in public school or can I figure out a way to homeschool around
our schedules?

I know we will be ok on our own.
It's not like I've never had to care for all 3 of them alone before
Thankfully the kids are used to Dad being gone for extended periods of time so that part won't be much of a change for them.

I lose my best friend and the only life I've ever known within 9 months.
I guess the only way to go from here is up right?

Here's to a happier, healthier new year with new beginnings and new opportunities!

Homemade Mexican Rice {recipe}

I've been debating whether or not to post this since I literally have

NO Mexican or Spanish heritage in my family.

However, after watching my in-laws make rice for years, 

I kind of got the hang of it.

Then, the other night, I went to dinner at a friend's house.

I made rice and there was a REAL Mexican from Mexico there who liked it!

With Mayra's approval, I decided it was time to post my recipe.

With pride.

Homemade Mexican Rice

Ingredients:

2 tbs vegetable oil

2 cups long grain white rice

1/2 yellow onion, chopped

4 cups water

4 chicken bouillon cubes

1 cup tomato sauce

3 garlic cloves, peeled and whole

1 jalapeno, whole

small can of peas and carrots, drained

Directions:

Heat oil in pan over medium heat, add rice and onion. Fry until rice starts to turn slightly brown. Add the rest of the ingredients and bring to a boil. Reduce heat, cover and simmer for 20-25 minutes until all water is absorbed. Feel like a pro and enjoy!

Get On The List {guest post}

This was written by a long-time friend of mine.

She posted it on Facebook and I asked for her permission to re-post it here.

I think this is beautifully written and something many of us moms need to hear.

Enjoy! 

 

I recently came to understand something about myself and more recently came to understand it well enough to articulate it. It's a reality some people already understand and nurture. But for many of us men AND women I think it is easily forgotten, overlooked, or possibly difficult to understand.

My children will always be my greatest accomplishment in life. I often look at them even in the simplest moments and feel my breath catch, with a pride, love and gratefulness that I won't attempt to explain. When I look at them I want to be the best FOR them. I want to get it ALL right. Unrealistic I understand...but none the less, my desire.

I am a stay at home mom, which as I have heard said many times, has got to be one of the hardest jobs. I always thought hard meant physically demanding. I was wrong. Cooking dinner, cleaning, errands, laundry, potty training, making forts, doing crafts, I need to go potty, I need a snack, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy....yes it is physically demanding. But it is also mentally exhausting. Being tired puts a strain on your mentality, and my desire to get it RIGHT puts a strain there too. The realization that they spend most of their time with me puts more pressure. It's not just about keeping them fed and the house clean. I'm creating little precious people. No pressure right? I want them to be confident, respectful, nurturing, curious, determined, talented, passionate, and so much more. I have to instill those things in them everyday. And it's NO easy task. It's easy to get frustrated...it's hard to slow down and try to make more things a learning experience. I feel like I'm failing all the time. I get frustrated with MYSELF all the time. I'm kicking myself all the time. But slowly with more success..I become more confident in what I'm doing. My children become more confident in what I'm doing. Slowly, things begin to fall into place. But as soon as it all clicks a new "phase" hits and the learning curve beings once again. But it's all worth it when you hear your children say please and thank you to strangers. It's worth it when your children confidently say hello or wave at someone. It's worth it when your children pick up a dropped item for a stranger. It's worth it when you see your children comfort each other. When you see them learn, when you see them conquer something, when you see them succeed. It's amazing. My job is hard and very important. I want to be the best.

Who am I? A mother and a wife. That's who I am TODAY. But who was I before that? It may not seem important who I was before..because this is my life now. But who I was before is important because its what made me who I am today. Behind every mother and wife is a woman with her own set of needs. Easy to overlook I think. The one who is looking after everyone else's needs in fact has needs of her own. It's the WOMAN in us that makes us great at what we do. I feel like that gets forgotten...even by the women. It's like planting a flower bed, not watering it, and then wondering why they are struggling to grow. Wondering why they aren't flourishing and blooming.

Of course my family always comes first, number one on my list. Always has and always will. But I have to get somewhere on that list too. I have to make it my goal to be on that list in order to be the best in the areas of my life that I am needed the most. I need a BREAK. Maybe go grocery shopping alone, go ride my horse, go to quilt class, cook dinner without a child hanging on my leg, a pedicure, a walk, a change of scenery, something. It doesn't have to be anything crazy. But a break. Time away. That hour away is when I grow. It's when I reflect on life, and things I can do better. It's when I get revitalized and energized. It's when I get to talk and get ideas from other moms. That is when I nurture me...the woman. That nurturing is what I mean about getting on the list. It's what improves me, makes me better at everything. It's what builds my confidence. It makes me eager to get back to my life as a mom and wife and be my best.

If men could try and remember the woman she was and remember that woman is still there. She always looks after everyone else's needs so help to look after her needs. Women you are your best advocate...you have to be. It's easy to see how men might forget our needs because we forget too when life gets busy. So do yourself and your family a favor...get on the list.

-Sarah G.

Inside My Makeup Bag

If you're like me, you're nosey.

Learning about how other people live is very interesting,

or at least slightly entertaining.

 

 I figured I'd show you all what's in my makeup bag.

I'm no pro, I don't wear a ton of makeup, but I love the products

I use on the daily and figured I'd give them a little credit for my beauty lol jk

 

1. Sephora Perfecting Ultra-Smoothing Primer

Once I discovered primer, my makeup life was changed forever. I just love

the way it makes my skin feel and how nicely my makeup goes on over it.

It's a clear silky serum that you put all over your bare face to smooth imperfections and

it helps your foundation stay on longer. Just remember, a little goes a long way with this stuff!

2. Clinique Superbalanced Makeup Foundation

I have used this exact foundation ever since I started wearing makeup.

Its tried and true and I love Clinique products.

3. Clinique Even Better Concealer

This is a cream foundation in a cute little jar. I haven't found the perfect concealer yet

but I have this as well as Benefit's Erase Paste that I'm trying out right now. This ones

not too bad so far, I just wish it had better coverage. I might try liquid concealer next.

4. Maybelline Unstoppable Eyeliner

This is another product I've been using forever. I pick this cheap eyeliner up at Walmart

and go on with my day. Eyeliner is important to me and I've never had an issue with this

one. It stays on, goes on smoothe, and doesn't irritate. I only use the kind that you can click

up like a chapstick. I can't stand the old fashioned pencil kind. I've been scratched too many

times by that kind of eyeliner!

5. Candy Eyes Cosmetics Vegan Mineral Eyeshadow

This lady makes all of these eyeshadows herself and I am in love!!! I've never loved an

eyeshadow so much but I want my entire eyeshadow collection to be from this lady!

I think I ordered 5 or 6 eyeshadows from her and each one is SO pretty. The first time I

wore it, I was so pleased with how silky and light it went on. The color was perfect and it

actually stayed on ALL day with NO creasing! I can't rave about this enough! Not to mention

I am a big advocate of supporting small businesses. Definitely check this out if you like good

makeup!

6. L'Oreal Paris Voluminous Mascara

I picked up this mascara out of desperation one day. I'm not completely thrilled with it,

but it gets the job done. Does anyone have a good mascara recommendation?

7. Too Faced Primed & Poreless

This is another product I have that I just LOVE and want to tell everyone about. This is a

light powdery "veil" that can go on bare skin to even imperfections, or is used to set your

makeup after you are done. It adjusts to your skin tone and just makes your face looks so

smooth and pretty. This is one product I think EVERYONE needs!!

Tailgate Bash {Giveaway}

Are You Ready For Some FOOTBALL?!

If you’re like us, you love watching football and rooting for your favorite team! Also, if you’re like us, you like to root in style!

Along with a great group of bloggers, Coping With Frugality, Joy Of Momma Joyner and Woven By Words are bringing you this Tailgate Bash giveaway to celebrate! Here’s what ONE WINNER will receive:

With all these great prizes, people are sure to know what team you're rooting for! have a blast at any Tailgate Bash! 

This prize package is worth $337 and is open to all legal residents of the United State who are 18-years-old or older. Just enter on the simple Giveaway Tools Form below. The more entries completed, the better your chances of winning! Best Of Luck! 

The Tailgate Bash Event ends at 11:59pm EST Monday, January 20, 2014.

Entry-Form

My Obsession

I can't believe I haven't written this post yet.

I want to have a personal relationship with my readers.

I want you to feel like you know me and that just can't be accurate until you

completely understand my obsession for NFL football.

I grew up in a big football family.

My mom was born and raised in Green Bay and the Packers have always been a

huge part of her life.

 Me, around 1 year old.

My dad was born and raised in San Diego so for him, its been the Chargers.

 They raised us in Southern California so, naturally, I inherited the blue and gold blood.

 

 Me and my dad at Lambeau field, representing. 2005.

I remember being around 5 or 6 years old doing cheers during halftime

while my dad watched the game.
It was just me and my sister so I think my dad accepted the fact that he would
forever have little cheerleaders instead of a little sports buddy.

 Well things changed in middle school.

My best friend and I became obsessed with the NFL.

I started learning everything I could about the game. We knew names, bios, stats, all the

details for almost every single team in the league.

Our "free time" would be spent watching Sportscenter, going to Chargers events,

and playing our little "fantasy football" game we created using the bio pictures of

different players that we would cut out of newspapers and laminate.

We were about 14 years old and everyone in our school knew us as the die hard

football girls who always wore their jerseys on Mondays.

We met lots of players, got lots of autographs, even participated as Jr Charger Girls

and had the opportunity to perform at half time at a Chargers/Bengals game.

It was fricken awesome, if you ask me!

Here's us, and her younger sister too, at the game last weekend! And my dad lol

 

These days, I am just as obsessed. I know the game well enough to talk to any dude about it.

I have even shown up a couple dudes trying to talk football with me who really 

didn't know what they were talking about.

My son and I at a Chargers game. Nov 2009.

Pregame, November 2012

This is a big weekend for Bolts fans.

Its the first weekend of the Playoffs and I was NOT expecting to see my boys in it!

I stand by their side, win or lose, but the playoffs just didn't seem to be in the picture this year.
I've convinced my parents to invite a bunch of people over. I'm going to cook a bunch of food,
and we are going watch our boys play their hearts out.
(Packers are also in the Playoffs so we got allllll day)

 Me and my baby girl, October 2011.

So if you happen to be watching the wildcard games this weekend and you come
across some blue and gold, think of me, and do a little cheer. Send some good vibes to these
guys because if they win this game, they move on. If they lose, their season is over.

GO CHARGERS!

Happy 2014!

I hope you all had a safe and fun New Years Eve last night!

We were only planning on staying up until 9pm and celebrating with

New York, but my daughter insisted on staying up till midnight.

She lasted until 11:50pm.

So close!

As you can see, there have been some changes around here.

My dear sweet friend, Becca, from www.iateskinny.com created this lovely

new design for me :)

I also decided, since my blog has deemed itself slightly more successful

than I had imagined it being, to go ahead and get an official web address!

www.kellymaeblog.com

 I feel so professional now.

There is something so refreshing about a new year.

Its a good reminder that the past is truly behind us and we are in complete

control of our future.

Now is the time people make resolutions to lose weight, save more money, exercise

more, etc and I think its great. Even though only a small percentage of these resolutions

are actually successful, I think its great that people take the time to reflect on their lives

and what they can do better. 

My New Years resolution is pretty simple.

I just want to knock out a few more things on my 101 in 1001 list.

I wrote about this last year and I have until March 2015 to complete it.

That means I have to get a majority of it done in 2014 to meet my goal.

For more about the 101 in 1001 list, check out dayzeroproject.com

Here is my updated list:

START DATE: July 2, 2012

END DATE: March 30, 2015

UPDATED: January 1, 2014

ME
1. Get a passport
2. Spend a week without the tv
3. Start school
4. Create a living will
5. Buy 5 sets of matching underwear
6. Go to the eye doctor and get glasses again
7. Become more involved with the battalion
8. Figure out how to get my hair to curl
9. Get a pedicure once a month for 6 months (0/6)
10. Purchase 10 complete outfits to add to my wardrobe (3/10)
11. Make regular dentist appointments
12. Spend a weekend with just my sister
13. Actually do something for my birthday
14. Find someone good to do my eyebrows
15. Start a journal

HOME
16. Get all my pictures into albums
17. Get home videos on DVDs
18. Redecorate the kid's bedrooms
19. Buy new bedding for our bed.
20. Organize all our important documents and make copies for safety deposit box.
21. Get my bathtub fixed and take a bath
22. Start composting
23. Stock the freezer with meals and staples
24. Organize the laundry room.
25. Get all my kid's pictures on the wall
26. Organize craft cupboard

HEALTH
27. Start a regular exercise routine
28. Do yoga
29. Complete the 200 situps challenge
30. Have 1 soda-free week a month (4/30)

MARRIAGE
31. Take a vacation with my husband (no kids) Vegas! Nov 2012
32. Have a date night once a paycheck (3)
33. Have a dinner date with my husband on the back patio after the kids go to bed
34. Write a letter to my husband every day that he is deployed
35. Attend a marriage workshop on base September 12, 2012
36. Get a couples massage

MONEY
37. Buy a lottery ticket
38. Pay off credit cards
39. Save $1 for every task completed on this list. (0/101)
40. Put $1,000 in savings (1,000/1,000)
41. Only buy necessities for one paycheck, save the rest
42. Support 10 friends in their small businesses (4/10)
43. Work on building a credit score
44. Contribute $100 to each of my kids college funds
45. Cash all of our loose change and add it to our savings
46. Donate to 5 friends who are fundraising (1/5)
47. Subscribe to LA Times for coupons
48. Save $500 using coupons (83.85/500)
49. Recruit 2 Scentsy consultants (1/2)
50. Earn $1,000 in Scentsy sales (1,221.04/1,000)

KIDS
51. Homeschool successfully for 1 school year
52. Write a letter for each of my kids
53. Hire a regular babysitter July 15, 2012
54. Take the kids to a drive in movie Brave and Madagascar 3 :)
55. Take the kids to play in the snow
56. Make dentist appointments for the kids October 11, 2012

EXPERIENCE
57. See a live comic show Daniel Tosh Nov 2012
58. Try 5 new local restaurants (5/5)
59. Shoot a gun
60. Learn how to BBQ
61. Eat sushi October 3, 2012
62. Learn how to crochet
63. Learn how to cut Andrew's hair.
64. Try 5 different wines (5/5)
65. Learn how to change a tire.
66. Go ice skating
67. Catch a fish.
68. See a show at the Old Globe theater in San Diego

TRAVEL
69. Visit a state I haven't been to yet
70. Visit my family in Wisconsin
71. Visit Andrew's grandpa in Florida
72. Visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter
73. Buy a travel trailer
74. Fly first class

FOR OTHERS
75. Leave a 100% tip
76. Send my mom flowers just because
77. Send my Grandma flowers just because
78. Leave inspiring notes in 5 random locations (0/5)
79. Write a letter to someone who taught me something valuable in life
80. Volunteer at the animal shelter
81. Buy reusable grocery bags and use them
82. Do another "giving back" project for my high school.
83. Sponsor a child
84. E-mail a nice letter to 5 companies I enjoy (0/5)
85. Anonymously leave money for someone in need
86. Hand out 5 Blessing Bags to homeless (0/5)
87. Make holiday treats for my neighbors
88. Take flowers to our family members at Rosecrans National Cemetery

FUN
89. Make a quilt
90. Get family pictures done
91. Read 25 books (5/25)
92. Throw a fiesta
93. Answer 50 questions that will free your mind
94. Color an entire coloring book
95. Collect my favorite Dr Seuss movies
96. Open a cookbook to a random page and make the recipe
97. Throw a superbowl party
98. Go to Legoland
99. Host a murder mystery party
100. Finish an entire puzzle book
101. Go on every ride at Disneyland