Almost everyone married to the military will
eventually have to endure the dreaded D word.
I've been married to my husband for almost 7 years.
Wow.
But that also means we've had our fair share of deployments.
Every deployment is different.
Everyone has their own way of handling them.
I've gone through easy deployments
and I've gone through deployments from you-know-where.
Here is some advice, from one military spouse to
another, on how to make deployment just a tad bit easier.
Make Small Goals
While my husband is gone, I like to make a list of small
tasks or goals that I can complete while he's gone.
Some things I have planned for this deployment are
cleaning up the laundry room,
organizing the garage,
get all of our pictures printed and into photo albums,
get all our home movies organized or onto DVDs,
work on the kid's scrapbooks.
Having goals will keep your mind busy, help the days
go by quicker, and if you plan them right, you'll actually
be productive while your spouse is gone :)
Meal Swapping
I'm not doing it this time, but during our last deployment
I had 2 other ladies participating in a meal swap with me.
We each had designated days of the week and we would cook
and deliver dinner to each other.
I can't tell you how much I loved doing this!
I cooked Tuesdays, but I had dinner made (and delivered)
to me two other days of the week.
It saved me money, we got to try new recipes, it took some
pressure off trying to come up with something for dinner,
and I got to see my friends a few days a week :)
I was also getting so frustrated trying to cook for just me
and 2 small kids (I was pregnant at the time). Making a full
meal was out of the question because there wasn't enough people
here to eat it all! So this gave me the opportunity to cook an entire
meal and share it with my friends.
I highly recommend finding a couple people to meal swap with
during your next deployment.
Find a Reliable Sitter/Swap Babysitting
This is a MUST if you have kids.
I have the luxury of having both a reliable sitter
and a friend to swap kids with and it is really one
of the biggest things helping me through.
I watch my friend's kids on Tuesday mornings and
she watches mine on Wednesday mornings.
We use that time to run errands, make dr appts, swing by
the commissary, drop a care package off at the post office, etc.
We even told each other that it was ok to use that time
to go home and lay in bed with a quiet house!
It's REALLY nice to be able to run errands without
dragging the kids along.
Right now I have my sitter coming on Wed evenings to
watch my two younger kids while my daughter and I go
to her Girl Scout meetings together.
The money for a good sitter is worth it during deployment!!
to military families!
Write Letters
I started writing letters to my husband during our first
deployment together. I wrote one every single night.
I was pregnant with our first baby and communication
was limited while he was in Iraq so I wrote everything in
a letter so he wouldn't miss a thing.
It kind of became tradition to write him letters while
he was gone.
Its therapeutic. Its nice to be able to "talk" to
him about my day, share funny stories about the kids,
keep him in the loop. I try to encourage him to stay
positive. Keep his head up. Make sure he knows that
we are missing him just as much.
Even if you don't write letters to your significant
other, start a journal. Writing is such a great way to
let off steam. Emotions run high during deployments
and you need to find an outlet to help you cope.
"Go to Work"
I put that in quotations because as a mom of three
one of the most difficult adjustments a deployment
brings is taking care of the kids on my own without
another pair of hands to help me.
I have to think of it like a job.
I wake up at 7am on the weekdays no matter what.
If the kids are still asleep then that's just bonus quiet time!
I allow myself one hour to wake up, drink my coffee,
and play on the computer.
At 8am I shut off the computer, get myself ready
for the day, get the kids dressed, then start my chores.
At 9am I start school work with Kayden.
The schedule keeps me sane.
On the weekends, I allow myself to sleep until
the kids get up. Last weekend my son chose 6:30am,
which I thought was completely unfair.
I also use the weekends to veg out in my pjs all
day long. I love my days off.
I just realized I don't get off work until 8:30/9pm
on most nights. That's a 13-14 hr work day!
Me Time
My mom will be proud of this one.
Please, please, please schedule some me time while
your husband is gone.
You totally deserve it.
At least once a month treat yourself to something nice.
Get a pedi, take a friend out to lunch, get a massage.
My friends and I love getting together after the kids
go to bed. One of us makes a Starbucks run and we hang
out watching trashy TV and laughing over nothing.
Its good for the soul!!!!!
And its a great break from the stress of a deployment.
I know how hard deployments can be. I also know that
everyone copes differently. One thing I ask of you is to
never put down another spouse because of the way she is
handling a deployment. Offer encouragement, offer to help.
Be a friend to that person and aid her through it.
During my last deployment I had to rely on a lot of people
to lift my spirits up and keep them there.
This time around is a lot different and I hope I am the one
lifting up those around me.
www,tiffanymcnutt.com
