I unexpectedly lost my best friend, my "sister", my other half on April 8th.
The cause is still unknown.
Something medical, not criminal, just to clear that up.
She left behind a husband, Scott, and two babies, a 4 yr old son and a 2 yr old daughter.
This has been the hardest thing I have ever had to endure in my entire life.
It's so hard to explain my relationship with Sam to people who didn't know us.
We started hanging out less than a year ago but instantly clicked.
It was a "Where have you been all my life?!" type of thing.
We started hanging out when things in my marriage got pretty rocky.
I grasped to her for comfort, reassurance, encouragement, and support.
She was always there to be my shoulder to cry on, no questions asked.
She made me feel secure, special, worthy, and needed.
Sam always wanted to be around me and we spent every day together.
Our kids grew close as well and started behaving like siblings.
Weekends sucked because husbands were off work and we didn't see each other.
By Monday it felt like a deployment homecoming with hugs and "I missed you so much!!"
We had SO much in common, it was crazy. I think we were meant to be twins!
Whenever we were out in public, people would ask if we were sisters.
Soon we just started saying "yep!" :)
Our favorite thing to do was grab Starbucks and drive around with some
Eminem or 2pac turned up loud.
Our 2nd favorite thing to do was lay on the couch with our blankies and
Red Bull while the kids ran around playing.
We got hyper almost every time we were around each other and I'm sure we
annoyed everyone around us 99% of the time.
We had countless dumb blonde moments, inside jokes, and ridiculous conversations/debates
where people would just roll their eyes and shake their heads as we laughed at ourselves.
We did everything together, and when I say everything, I mean everything!
We would sit together and write our grocery lists, we ate lunch together, we watched
the same shows, we went holiday shopping together, she would come over in the mornings
and make smoothies for the both of us (our attempt at being healthy!), we did weekly breakfast
together on Fridays, we wouldn't buy any new clothes without consulting each other, we got
our brows waxed together monthly, we started TurboFire together, we went to the same
plastic surgeon for our boob jobs, we even took our birth control on the same schedule
so we could be menstrual at the same time! lol
There is so much I could say about her but maybe that gives you an idea of
what my life will be missing from now on.
My friends and Scott's family have been an amazing source of support and strength
for me and my kids during this time. I have spent just about every day at Sam's house
where everyone has been grieving and comforting each other. I feel better being there.
I keep telling everyone "I lost my closest friend but I gained a family."
One of my good friends here, Renee, nominated me in a Mother's Day contest with
a local photographer. I won! This was the nomination she submitted, it made me cry...
"Hey, I want to submit my friend Kelly for the Mothers Day giveaway.
Kelly has 3 children. Kayden 6y, Davin 3y and Britton 18months. Kelly
has had a very hard time this past year. Being a homeschooling mom with
her husband deployed for longer than he has been home, Kelly has
struggled to save her marriage. When she had every right to leave, she
stayed. And I have watched her marriage get better and healthier just
because she didn't give up. One week ago last Monday, Kelly lost her
best friend (who was more like a sister) Samantha. Bestfriends/sisters
doesnt even begin to describe what kelly and sam were to each other. you
only had to be around them once to know that it was an indescribable
friendship. They were convinced they were sisters, they just couldnt find
a way to make it so. Ive had a bestfriend who i could be crazy with,
just be who i really am with. Thankfully i still have her. I hate that
kelly lost hers. She has had to work through Sam's death without her
husband or her bestfriend. She had to tell her children by herself that
Aunt Sam was gone. Sam left behind two small children Hayden and Camy
and a grieving husband. Though Kelly has her own heartache because of
Sams death, she has continued to go over to Sams house every day, as she
always has. She talks with Scott (Sams husband) and loves on Hayden and
Camy. She has gone above and beyond what was needed of her during this
difficult time. One last reason why i think Kelly deserves to win this
giveaway. In her house, she has a few professional photographs of the
kids in the hallway. But none of her with the children. Sams death has
taught us all how quickly it can all be over. to be thankful for every
day. And i think Kelly would be reminded of this if she had pictures
taken by you on her walls to look at."
The Olson family allowed me to come to their hometown for Sam's memorial service.
I got to meet her extended family and friends she has known her whole life.
I got to see where she grew up and the schools she attended.
Then I had the honor of standing graveside at her burial and watching her babies release balloons.
It was a hard experience but the weekend turned out to be very special and healing for me.
Her second memorial service was this past weekend, here in 29 Palms.
This was easier for me and it represented her life outside of Agoura Hills.
Her adult life, her family life, and her recent life. Those who attended are used to seeing her
around town, at the commissary, and at their children's school. It was also a beautiful service.
My love has connected me with so many new friends through this. I thank her for that.
She would be happy to know that she is responsible for some sort of positivity because of this.
I had a dream about her the night before last...
I was in the hospital room sitting next to her body, crying, saying goodbye and telling her how beautiful she is. I was there for quite a while and then I heard her start to moan. Then I saw her start to breathe so I just kept watching. The person I was with (don't remember who) went to get the doctor to tell him. Next thing I know she's stretching and opening her eyes. She sits up and says in a very tired voice "What happened?" I start bawling and saying things like "Is this really happening? Are you seriously back?" I remember being SO happy and relieved. She looks at me again, sleepily, and asks "How long was I out?" I said "It's been about 3 weeks." and I tell her the story of what happened to her. The doctor walks in with a big smile on his face and says "This is such a miracle, but it does happen!" She was so confused, so weirded out. I was weirded out too but so happy. I kept saying "Omg I thought I was never going to see you again." And just cried and hugged her. And then I woke up.
I'm not sure what it means but I'm glad I got to see her.
To My Beautiful Sam Bam,
Girl, I can't even begin to tell you how much I have appreciated your friendship.
I can guarantee nothing will ever compare to the bond we shared. You are one crazy
mother flower and I could always count on you to make me happy! You have been by
my side through some rough stuff. I don't know what I'm going to do without you here.
Only you and I can truly understand what we meant to each other and I'm glad we
expressed that every chance we got! You know how important you are to me and I know
you loved me just as much. I still can't freaking believe this happened. It's going to take a
lot to get used to your absence. I hope you know that I am doing everything in my power
to make sure your babies know they are loved. Also, rest assured that I have made a strong
connection with Laura and Tori through this. You were always worried about being "replaced"
and although you can't ever be replaced, you would be happy to know that Lola and Boom Boom
are here for me and you are right, they are awesome! You always wanted to take me to Agoura
and I got to do that too! I will never forget you. When we said we were BFFs, we meant it and
I promise to carry that out....forever. I know we were always about "positive vibes" so I will
do my best to continue that too. I know you would want me to! There is nothing I can do about
the fact that you are no longer here. All I can do is try to remember the good times and keep
you in my heart as I go throughout this life. I will miss you so much. Rest easy and remember that
I will always love you! Best friends forever!!!!!!!!!
