Thursday, February 5, 2015

Hello?

I've had this overwhelming urge to start blogging again.
And then I get sidetracked with the 10 million other things I've got going on.

Maybe I will just keep it super sporadic.
No pressure.
Only when I feel compelled.

I definitely don't have time to keep up with this thing the way I used to.
Or work those sponsored posts anymore.
Or spend all my free time trying to gain followers.

I don't have any free time.

Ok, that's a lie. I have SOME free time, like right now.
Actually, I should probably be doing other things, but I feel like writing.

I don't know if anyone's gonna read this that isn't already up to date on my life,
but just for a quick run down since LAST JUNE (the last time I posted):

Still living in my hometown.
Doing much much better emotionally than I was back then,
Divorce is still pending.
Ex and I can actually be civil, at times.
Kids are in public school now.
That's not always easy, and we miss homeschooling, but it'll have to do.
I'm working for my parent's for one of the businesses they own.
I work with my 3 year old because the day care is full.
I started school, then dropped out of school.
I coached High School cheer last season.
I'm currently a Girl Scout leader with a troop of 32 girls.
I miss 29 Palms so much.
I still don't know where this life is taking me.
Oh and I'm still totally single.

I'm ok with that last one!
My kids have been my complete focus for the past year or so.
We have had a few behavior/emotional issues to address and it is still a work in progress.
This hasn't been totally easy for them.

I know the relationship thing will happen when the time is right.
I'm not pushing anything.
I don't feel like I'm "missing" anything.
I get lonely at times, but overall, I am perfectly content.

So maybe I will start writing more when I feel like I have things I need to share.
If you decide to read them, cool. If not, I think this is more for my sanity than anything.
I could use a journal.....but I type faster than I write.

Oh....and I'm just gonna leave all my old posts right where they are.
I have so many new people in my life, it would prob be interesting for them to go back
and see how I used to be.

Monday, June 2, 2014

Chugging Right Along

The kids and I are all moved into our new home!
Such a pivotal moment.
This is our first home as a single-parent household and I am in charge!!
(scary thought)
I think being a Marine wife all those years was good practice though.
Being alone is nothing new to me.
Being solely responsible for the bills, food, kids, pets, etc....
I've been doing that already so its not that big of a change.

I do miss the relationship though, to be completely honest.
Not that specific relationship, per se. That wasn't a good one.
But I miss having someone.
I'm such a lover, and I loved being married, and I want to be loved.

I'm actually in this really weird state of confusion about it all.
I know I'm not mentally ready for another relationship. Not yet.
I was forced to fall out of love with my husband because he didn't want
to be married anymore. That doesn't just happen overnight.
It's been painful and its been a process.
Theres a lot of healing currently going on. I'm learning a lot about myself.
I am actively building on my confidence and self-worth.
I've never actually had the time to focus on myself because I was always so
preoccupied with trying to keep my husband from wandering.

I never realized how much I lost myself during my marriage until I talked to my sister.
The way she describes watching me get emotionally beat down for years is hard to hear.
But I get it. I totally see it and feel it now.
So before I get into any other serious relationship, I am going to make sure I am healed
from this one first so I can give this new person my all.

I do have a sense of fear when it comes to future relationships though.
I'm afraid I will never find someone who will want to take in 3 small kids.
Thats a huge undertaking and would take a very special person.
Not only that, but I will be very selective since this person will be a big part of my children's life.
Part of me is preparing to just be single forever.

On the other hand, I am very much looking forward to a new relationship.
A chance to start anew. A chance to feel loved the way I've never felt before.
To have someone 100% committed to me through good times and bad, sickness
and health, till death do us part. The girly girl in me gets excited thinking about that fairy tale.
I love to love. I love the idea of dedicating yourself to one person for the rest of your life.
I think being in love is a beautiful, magical thing and I would love to show my kids what a real
relationship is. How a man should treat a woman. How the art of marriage still exists.
Someday. I hope.

For now I am 100% mommy. My kids are the most important things in my life.
I am concentrating on creating a home, a new routine, a new way of living.
Since I left that yuckiness I have found it so much easier to be present in my kids lives.
We are playing Candy Land and eating ice cream and having sing-a-longs in the car to the 
Frozen soundtrack. We have been cheerleaders at Davin's t-ball games, having sleepovers with friends,
gardening and learning to appreciate all the nature that surrounds us, including baby scorpions.
We have been having so much fun and since I feel better about myself, it is making
things easier on them. 

The weirdest thing is I feel more like a family now than ever before.

My wish for my children is that they will look back on this when they are older and see
the effort I put in to take care of us. We've been "on our own" for 6 months and we have our own home,
a great group of friends, a new (to us) car, delicious nutritious meals and we have fun!
(And hopefully by the end of the week, Mommy will have a full-time position with the State of CA.
Interview is Wednesday so wish me luck!!)
I have seen the bond between my children grow closer and that's when I realize that we will be ok.
We don't have it all, but we have each other and they know it.

What's next for us:
Interview on Wednesday
Signing Davin up for summer Karate
Registering the kids for next school year
Registering Britton for daycare
Kayden starts a series of summer field trips with the Boys and Girls club

And my new favorite quote:


Thursday, May 15, 2014

Is This Thing On?

Seriously.
I don't even remember the last time I posted something.
I really miss it.
Its not because I haven't wanted to.
I have.
My life has just been insanely chaotic as I try to find my place in this world.

When you dedicate your entire adult life to one person and then you're forced
out of that contentment against your will...it kind of throws you for a loop.

The kids and I have been "on our own" for about 6 months now.
By "on our own" I mean, living with my parents.
All four of us, and our belongings, and our dog and our cat, squeezed into 2 tiny bedrooms...
my parent's flipping the bill for a majority of our expenses.

I've been working, for the first time ever.
That was a huge adjustment for my kids, to not have me around as much.
My mom and sister stepped in and have basically been raising my children these past few months.
I've tried out a couple of different jobs. Trying to find something that works for me and our schedule.

I signed my son up for t-ball, which has been a fun little escape for him.
I just hate missing his games.
His coach was ecstatic to learn that he is a switch-hitter.
I didn't really realize how cool that was until he announced it at a game.
I'm such a proud mommy and he is so proud of his abilities.
My daughter just signed up for the Boys and Girls club and will be going on weekly field trips throughout the summer.
That will be good for her.

As of now, I am still attempting to homeschool.
We took a long hiatus as we went through that initial adjustment.
I just decided that we will continue through the summer until all our work is done.
We still make frequent trips to the library and the kids both get to pick a subject they want
to learn about. They really enjoy that. We've done volcanoes, mummys, and birds.
Not sure what to do about next year.

Kayden is reading a lot and every now and then I add a new chapter book on her kindle.
Britton is potty training and we are about 75% completed!
Haven't tried her at night yet but other than that, she's doing great.

I just took a week vacation for myself. Something I have NEVER done but NEEDED to do.
One of my closest friends was driving home to Dallas with her three kids and two cats.
She's visiting for about 6 wks since her husband is in Afghanistan.
I wasn't about to let her make that trek alone so I offered to go with her.
And I'm so glad I did.
It couldn't have come at a better time.
I needed to get away from my world for a minute and relax and have fun.
And thats exactly what I did.

My short vacay brought up some realizations for me and I returned home with an
urge to clean out the negativity from my life.
I've never been one to "cut" people out, but I started to now.
There are some people that just aren't contributing factors to my emotional well-being and they had to go.
Not only that, but I quit my job.
I know, I've never needed a job more desperately than I do now, but I had to.
It wasn't good for me, lets just say that.

But I'm not going to be one of those single mom divorcees who sponges off the govt.
Although I did just apply for welfare and food stamps...
But I have also spent a majority of my free time filling out job applications to anything and everything I can get my hands on.
I am determined to make a good life for my children dammit.

One of the most exciting new things is that we are finally getting our own place.
I found a 3 br rental that will be perfect for us, for now.
We have spent the last few days cleaning it up and painting it to give us all the fresh start we deserve.
The kids are so excited to settle down somewhere.
We get to move in tomorrow!

This has definitely been one of the greatest hurdles I've had to get over.
It isn't easy by any means.
I have so much anger, hurt, emotions, and questions wrapped up into this.
But I'm trying my hardest to put one foot in front of the other and keep going in the right direction.
I just applied for freaking welfare....
I think I'm about as low as I can get right now.
And the only way to go from here is where?


Wednesday, February 5, 2014

#25daysofpositive

One of my bestest friends in the whole wide world came up
with this amazing campaign for the month of February.

I am a couple days late posting this, but its never too late to be positive.

From her blog at Just Another Marine SAHM, here is a rundown of how it works:

Facebook is constantly a platform for anger, hatred, bullying, and much more. 

What if someone disagrees with you? Well, obviously it's because they are a homophobe, or racist, or hate the poor, or atheists and hate religious people. 

Seriously. This is not the case. We are all entitled to opinions, especially different ones. How boring would it be if we all believed the same thing? Plus, I love a good intelligent debate. 

But the bashing hateful behavior needs to stop. We need to uplift each other. Display your opinions respectfully,  no need to name call, or put another person down. 

I would love for all of you to join me in #25daysofpositive. It's my birthday month. Do it for me, and for you. 

That status update you were going to post about hating your boss, make it about that awesome coworker who brought you a Starbucks. That news story about that murder, swap it for a good samaritan story. Don't agree with something on TV say just that "I didn't like it" no need to call those who did unpatriotic. 

Try it. Not just on Facebook, when you get mad, force a positive thought. Don't wait on someone else to make you happy, share your joys and relish in your blessings. 

#25daysofpositive find me on Instagram

I love the whole point behind this. 
We could all use a little more positivity in our life.

I, for one, am going through an extremely stressful and emotional situation.
I pledge to do better about focusing on the bright side to things. There is always a bright side!
 
Yesterday was a particularly bad day for the situation I am going through. There was
a lot of tears, anger, panic. Yet I decided to focus on something positive and posted this on Facebook:
"I'm excited to get Bubby signed up for t-ball! :)"
I am excited about that. I'm excited to get settled in our new home. I'm excited to get my children
active in their new community. I'm excited to put the anger, tears, and panic behind me.
 
 So next time you want to post something on FB that is hateful, mean or negative think:


 
 

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Breaking News

So this is kind of going along with the whole 
"I wanna have a personal relationship with my readers" thing
...sh*ts about to get real...

I'm getting a divorce.

No shame. This is real life.
I'm not gonna go into details or anything but if you and I are gonna be friends,
I figured Id have to break the news at some point.

I'm going from a stay-at-home mom and wife of a Marine, to a working single mom of 3.
This is going to be a really big adjustment and I can't say I'm not a little nervous. 

We moved back to my home town where my parents live as well as my sister and her family.
I grew up in this small town and know almost everyone so I know I will be taken care of here.
I know I will have everyone's love and support as I try to figure this mess out.

There are so many decisions I need to make and I'm stressing out about it.
Do I work full-time or part-time?
Do I find a 3-bedroom house to rent or try to squeeze into a more affordable 2-bedroom?
Do I have to put my kids in public school or can I figure out a way to homeschool around
our schedules?

I know we will be ok on our own.
It's not like I've never had to care for all 3 of them alone before
Thankfully the kids are used to Dad being gone for extended periods of time so that part won't be much of a change for them.

I lose my best friend and the only life I've ever known within 9 months.
I guess the only way to go from here is up right?

Here's to a happier, healthier new year with new beginnings and new opportunities!

Friday, January 24, 2014

Homemade Mexican Rice {recipe}

I've been debating whether or not to post this since I literally have
NO Mexican or Spanish heritage in my family.
However, after watching my in-laws make rice for years, 
I kind of got the hang of it.

Then, the other night, I went to dinner at a friend's house.
I made rice and there was a REAL Mexican from Mexico there who liked it!

With Mayra's approval, I decided it was time to post my recipe.
With pride.



Homemade Mexican Rice

Ingredients:
2 tbs vegetable oil
2 cups long grain white rice
1/2 yellow onion, chopped
4 cups water
4 chicken bouillon cubes
1 cup tomato sauce
3 garlic cloves, peeled and whole
1 jalapeno, whole
small can of peas and carrots, drained

Directions:
Heat oil in pan over medium heat, add rice and onion. Fry until rice starts to turn slightly brown. Add the rest of the ingredients and bring to a boil. Reduce heat, cover and simmer for 20-25 minutes until all water is absorbed. Feel like a pro and enjoy!

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Get On The List {guest post}

This was written by a long-time friend of mine.
She posted it on Facebook and I asked for her permission to re-post it here.
I think this is beautifully written and something many of us moms need to hear.
Enjoy! 
 

I recently came to understand something about myself and more recently came to understand it well enough to articulate it. It's a reality some people already understand and nurture. But for many of us men AND women I think it is easily forgotten, overlooked, or possibly difficult to understand.

My children will always be my greatest accomplishment in life. I often look at them even in the simplest moments and feel my breath catch, with a pride, love and gratefulness that I won't attempt to explain. When I look at them I want to be the best FOR them. I want to get it ALL right. Unrealistic I understand...but none the less, my desire.

I am a stay at home mom, which as I have heard said many times, has got to be one of the hardest jobs. I always thought hard meant physically demanding. I was wrong. Cooking dinner, cleaning, errands, laundry, potty training, making forts, doing crafts, I need to go potty, I need a snack, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy....yes it is physically demanding. But it is also mentally exhausting. Being tired puts a strain on your mentality, and my desire to get it RIGHT puts a strain there too. The realization that they spend most of their time with me puts more pressure. It's not just about keeping them fed and the house clean. I'm creating little precious people. No pressure right? I want them to be confident, respectful, nurturing, curious, determined, talented, passionate, and so much more. I have to instill those things in them everyday. And it's NO easy task. It's easy to get frustrated...it's hard to slow down and try to make more things a learning experience. I feel like I'm failing all the time. I get frustrated with MYSELF all the time. I'm kicking myself all the time. But slowly with more success..I become more confident in what I'm doing. My children become more confident in what I'm doing. Slowly, things begin to fall into place. But as soon as it all clicks a new "phase" hits and the learning curve beings once again. But it's all worth it when you hear your children say please and thank you to strangers. It's worth it when your children confidently say hello or wave at someone. It's worth it when your children pick up a dropped item for a stranger. It's worth it when you see your children comfort each other. When you see them learn, when you see them conquer something, when you see them succeed. It's amazing. My job is hard and very important. I want to be the best.

Who am I? A mother and a wife. That's who I am TODAY. But who was I before that? It may not seem important who I was before..because this is my life now. But who I was before is important because its what made me who I am today. Behind every mother and wife is a woman with her own set of needs. Easy to overlook I think. The one who is looking after everyone else's needs in fact has needs of her own. It's the WOMAN in us that makes us great at what we do. I feel like that gets forgotten...even by the women. It's like planting a flower bed, not watering it, and then wondering why they are struggling to grow. Wondering why they aren't flourishing and blooming.

Of course my family always comes first, number one on my list. Always has and always will. But I have to get somewhere on that list too. I have to make it my goal to be on that list in order to be the best in the areas of my life that I am needed the most. I need a BREAK. Maybe go grocery shopping alone, go ride my horse, go to quilt class, cook dinner without a child hanging on my leg, a pedicure, a walk, a change of scenery, something. It doesn't have to be anything crazy. But a break. Time away. That hour away is when I grow. It's when I reflect on life, and things I can do better. It's when I get revitalized and energized. It's when I get to talk and get ideas from other moms. That is when I nurture me...the woman. That nurturing is what I mean about getting on the list. It's what improves me, makes me better at everything. It's what builds my confidence. It makes me eager to get back to my life as a mom and wife and be my best.

If men could try and remember the woman she was and remember that woman is still there. She always looks after everyone else's needs so help to look after her needs. Women you are your best advocate...you have to be. It's easy to see how men might forget our needs because we forget too when life gets busy. So do yourself and your family a favor...get on the list.

-Sarah G.