Hello?

I've had this overwhelming urge to start blogging again.

And then I get sidetracked with the 10 million other things I've got going on.

Maybe I will just keep it super sporadic.

No pressure.

Only when I feel compelled.

I definitely don't have time to keep up with this thing the way I used to.

Or work those sponsored posts anymore.

Or spend all my free time trying to gain followers.

I don't have any free time.

Ok, that's a lie. I have SOME free time, like right now.

Actually, I should probably be doing other things, but I feel like writing.

I don't know if anyone's gonna read this that isn't already up to date on my life,

but just for a quick run down since LAST JUNE (the last time I posted):

Still living in my hometown.

Doing much much better emotionally than I was back then,

Divorce is still pending.

Ex and I can actually be civil, at times.

Kids are in public school now.

That's not always easy, and we miss homeschooling, but it'll have to do.

I'm working for my parent's for one of the businesses they own.

I work with my 3 year old because the day care is full.

I started school, then dropped out of school.

I coached High School cheer last season.

I'm currently a Girl Scout leader with a troop of 32 girls.

I miss 29 Palms so much.

I still don't know where this life is taking me.

Oh and I'm still totally single.

I'm ok with that last one!

My kids have been my complete focus for the past year or so.

We have had a few behavior/emotional issues to address and it is still a work in progress.

This hasn't been totally easy for them.

I know the relationship thing will happen when the time is right.

I'm not pushing anything.

I don't feel like I'm "missing" anything.

I get lonely at times, but overall, I am perfectly content.

So maybe I will start writing more when I feel like I have things I need to share.

If you decide to read them, cool. If not, I think this is more for my sanity than anything.

I could use a journal.....but I type faster than I write.

Oh....and I'm just gonna leave all my old posts right where they are.

I have so many new people in my life, it would prob be interesting for them to go back

and see how I used to be.

Chugging Right Along

The kids and I are all moved into our new home!

Such a pivotal moment.

This is our first home as a single-parent household and I am in charge!!
(scary thought)

I think being a Marine wife all those years was good practice though.

Being alone is nothing new to me.

Being solely responsible for the bills, food, kids, pets, etc....

I've been doing that already so its not that big of a change.

I do miss the relationship though, to be completely honest.

Not that specific relationship, per se. That wasn't a good one.

But I miss having someone.

I'm such a lover, and I loved being married, and I want to be loved.

I'm actually in this really weird state of confusion about it all.

I know I'm not mentally ready for another relationship. Not yet.

I was forced to fall out of love with my husband because he didn't want

to be married anymore. That doesn't just happen overnight.

It's been painful and its been a process.

Theres a lot of healing currently going on. I'm learning a lot about myself.

I am actively building on my confidence and self-worth.

I've never actually had the time to focus on myself because I was always so

preoccupied with trying to keep my husband from wandering.

I never realized how much I lost myself during my marriage until I talked to my sister.

The way she describes watching me get emotionally beat down for years is hard to hear.

But I get it. I totally see it and feel it now.

So before I get into any other serious relationship, I am going to make sure I am healed

from this one first so I can give this new person my all.

I do have a sense of fear when it comes to future relationships though.

I'm afraid I will never find someone who will want to take in 3 small kids.

Thats a huge undertaking and would take a very special person.

Not only that, but I will be very selective since this person will be a big part of my children's life.

Part of me is preparing to just be single forever.

On the other hand, I am very much looking forward to a new relationship.

A chance to start anew. A chance to feel loved the way I've never felt before.

To have someone 100% committed to me through good times and bad, sickness

and health, till death do us part. The girly girl in me gets excited thinking about that fairy tale.

I love to love. I love the idea of dedicating yourself to one person for the rest of your life.

I think being in love is a beautiful, magical thing and I would love to show my kids what a real

relationship is. How a man should treat a woman. How the art of marriage still exists.

Someday. I hope.

For now I am 100% mommy. My kids are the most important things in my life.

I am concentrating on creating a home, a new routine, a new way of living.

Since I left that yuckiness I have found it so much easier to be present in my kids lives.

We are playing Candy Land and eating ice cream and having sing-a-longs in the car to the 

Frozen soundtrack. We have been cheerleaders at Davin's t-ball games, having sleepovers with friends,

gardening and learning to appreciate all the nature that surrounds us, including baby scorpions.

We have been having so much fun and since I feel better about myself, it is making

things easier on them. 

The weirdest thing is I feel more like a family now than ever before.

My wish for my children is that they will look back on this when they are older and see

the effort I put in to take care of us. We've been "on our own" for 6 months and we have our own home,

a great group of friends, a new (to us) car, delicious nutritious meals and we have fun!

(And hopefully by the end of the week, Mommy will have a full-time position with the State of CA.

Interview is Wednesday so wish me luck!!)

I have seen the bond between my children grow closer and that's when I realize that we will be ok.

We don't have it all, but we have each other and they know it.

What's next for us:
Interview on Wednesday

Signing Davin up for summer Karate

Registering the kids for next school year

Registering Britton for daycare

Kayden starts a series of summer field trips with the Boys and Girls club

And my new favorite quote:

Is This Thing On?

Seriously.

I don't even remember the last time I posted something.

I really miss it.

Its not because I haven't wanted to.

I have.

My life has just been insanely chaotic as I try to find my place in this world.

When you dedicate your entire adult life to one person and then you're forced

out of that contentment against your will...it kind of throws you for a loop.

The kids and I have been "on our own" for about 6 months now.

By "on our own" I mean, living with my parents.

All four of us, and our belongings, and our dog and our cat, squeezed into 2 tiny bedrooms...

my parent's flipping the bill for a majority of our expenses.

I've been working, for the first time ever.

That was a huge adjustment for my kids, to not have me around as much.

My mom and sister stepped in and have basically been raising my children these past few months.

I've tried out a couple of different jobs. Trying to find something that works for me and our schedule.

I signed my son up for t-ball, which has been a fun little escape for him.

I just hate missing his games.

His coach was ecstatic to learn that he is a switch-hitter.

I didn't really realize how cool that was until he announced it at a game.

I'm such a proud mommy and he is so proud of his abilities.

My daughter just signed up for the Boys and Girls club and will be going on weekly field trips throughout the summer.

That will be good for her.

As of now, I am still attempting to homeschool.

We took a long hiatus as we went through that initial adjustment.

I just decided that we will continue through the summer until all our work is done.

We still make frequent trips to the library and the kids both get to pick a subject they want

to learn about. They really enjoy that. We've done volcanoes, mummys, and birds.

Not sure what to do about next year.

Kayden is reading a lot and every now and then I add a new chapter book on her kindle.

Britton is potty training and we are about 75% completed!

Haven't tried her at night yet but other than that, she's doing great.

I just took a week vacation for myself. Something I have NEVER done but NEEDED to do.

One of my closest friends was driving home to Dallas with her three kids and two cats.

She's visiting for about 6 wks since her husband is in Afghanistan.

I wasn't about to let her make that trek alone so I offered to go with her.

And I'm so glad I did.

It couldn't have come at a better time.

I needed to get away from my world for a minute and relax and have fun.

And thats exactly what I did.

My short vacay brought up some realizations for me and I returned home with an

urge to clean out the negativity from my life.

I've never been one to "cut" people out, but I started to now.

There are some people that just aren't contributing factors to my emotional well-being and they had to go.

Not only that, but I quit my job.

I know, I've never needed a job more desperately than I do now, but I had to.

It wasn't good for me, lets just say that.

But I'm not going to be one of those single mom divorcees who sponges off the govt.

Although I did just apply for welfare and food stamps...

But I have also spent a majority of my free time filling out job applications to anything and everything I can get my hands on.

I am determined to make a good life for my children dammit.

One of the most exciting new things is that we are finally getting our own place.

I found a 3 br rental that will be perfect for us, for now.

We have spent the last few days cleaning it up and painting it to give us all the fresh start we deserve.

The kids are so excited to settle down somewhere.

We get to move in tomorrow!

This has definitely been one of the greatest hurdles I've had to get over.

It isn't easy by any means.

I have so much anger, hurt, emotions, and questions wrapped up into this.

But I'm trying my hardest to put one foot in front of the other and keep going in the right direction.

I just applied for freaking welfare....

I think I'm about as low as I can get right now.

And the only way to go from here is where?

Breaking News

So this is kind of going along with the whole 

"I wanna have a personal relationship with my readers" thing

...sh*ts about to get real...

I'm getting a divorce.

No shame. This is real life.
I'm not gonna go into details or anything but if you and I are gonna be friends,
I figured Id have to break the news at some point.

I'm going from a stay-at-home mom and wife of a Marine, to a working single mom of 3.
This is going to be a really big adjustment and I can't say I'm not a little nervous. 

We moved back to my home town where my parents live as well as my sister and her family.
I grew up in this small town and know almost everyone so I know I will be taken care of here.
I know I will have everyone's love and support as I try to figure this mess out.

There are so many decisions I need to make and I'm stressing out about it.
Do I work full-time or part-time?
Do I find a 3-bedroom house to rent or try to squeeze into a more affordable 2-bedroom?
Do I have to put my kids in public school or can I figure out a way to homeschool around
our schedules?

I know we will be ok on our own.
It's not like I've never had to care for all 3 of them alone before
Thankfully the kids are used to Dad being gone for extended periods of time so that part won't be much of a change for them.

I lose my best friend and the only life I've ever known within 9 months.
I guess the only way to go from here is up right?

Here's to a happier, healthier new year with new beginnings and new opportunities!

Inside My Makeup Bag

If you're like me, you're nosey.

Learning about how other people live is very interesting,

or at least slightly entertaining.

 

 I figured I'd show you all what's in my makeup bag.

I'm no pro, I don't wear a ton of makeup, but I love the products

I use on the daily and figured I'd give them a little credit for my beauty lol jk

 

1. Sephora Perfecting Ultra-Smoothing Primer

Once I discovered primer, my makeup life was changed forever. I just love

the way it makes my skin feel and how nicely my makeup goes on over it.

It's a clear silky serum that you put all over your bare face to smooth imperfections and

it helps your foundation stay on longer. Just remember, a little goes a long way with this stuff!

2. Clinique Superbalanced Makeup Foundation

I have used this exact foundation ever since I started wearing makeup.

Its tried and true and I love Clinique products.

3. Clinique Even Better Concealer

This is a cream foundation in a cute little jar. I haven't found the perfect concealer yet

but I have this as well as Benefit's Erase Paste that I'm trying out right now. This ones

not too bad so far, I just wish it had better coverage. I might try liquid concealer next.

4. Maybelline Unstoppable Eyeliner

This is another product I've been using forever. I pick this cheap eyeliner up at Walmart

and go on with my day. Eyeliner is important to me and I've never had an issue with this

one. It stays on, goes on smoothe, and doesn't irritate. I only use the kind that you can click

up like a chapstick. I can't stand the old fashioned pencil kind. I've been scratched too many

times by that kind of eyeliner!

5. Candy Eyes Cosmetics Vegan Mineral Eyeshadow

This lady makes all of these eyeshadows herself and I am in love!!! I've never loved an

eyeshadow so much but I want my entire eyeshadow collection to be from this lady!

I think I ordered 5 or 6 eyeshadows from her and each one is SO pretty. The first time I

wore it, I was so pleased with how silky and light it went on. The color was perfect and it

actually stayed on ALL day with NO creasing! I can't rave about this enough! Not to mention

I am a big advocate of supporting small businesses. Definitely check this out if you like good

makeup!

6. L'Oreal Paris Voluminous Mascara

I picked up this mascara out of desperation one day. I'm not completely thrilled with it,

but it gets the job done. Does anyone have a good mascara recommendation?

7. Too Faced Primed & Poreless

This is another product I have that I just LOVE and want to tell everyone about. This is a

light powdery "veil" that can go on bare skin to even imperfections, or is used to set your

makeup after you are done. It adjusts to your skin tone and just makes your face looks so

smooth and pretty. This is one product I think EVERYONE needs!!

My Obsession

I can't believe I haven't written this post yet.

I want to have a personal relationship with my readers.

I want you to feel like you know me and that just can't be accurate until you

completely understand my obsession for NFL football.

I grew up in a big football family.

My mom was born and raised in Green Bay and the Packers have always been a

huge part of her life.

 Me, around 1 year old.

My dad was born and raised in San Diego so for him, its been the Chargers.

 They raised us in Southern California so, naturally, I inherited the blue and gold blood.

 

 Me and my dad at Lambeau field, representing. 2005.

I remember being around 5 or 6 years old doing cheers during halftime

while my dad watched the game.
It was just me and my sister so I think my dad accepted the fact that he would
forever have little cheerleaders instead of a little sports buddy.

 Well things changed in middle school.

My best friend and I became obsessed with the NFL.

I started learning everything I could about the game. We knew names, bios, stats, all the

details for almost every single team in the league.

Our "free time" would be spent watching Sportscenter, going to Chargers events,

and playing our little "fantasy football" game we created using the bio pictures of

different players that we would cut out of newspapers and laminate.

We were about 14 years old and everyone in our school knew us as the die hard

football girls who always wore their jerseys on Mondays.

We met lots of players, got lots of autographs, even participated as Jr Charger Girls

and had the opportunity to perform at half time at a Chargers/Bengals game.

It was fricken awesome, if you ask me!

Here's us, and her younger sister too, at the game last weekend! And my dad lol

 

These days, I am just as obsessed. I know the game well enough to talk to any dude about it.

I have even shown up a couple dudes trying to talk football with me who really 

didn't know what they were talking about.

My son and I at a Chargers game. Nov 2009.

Pregame, November 2012

This is a big weekend for Bolts fans.

Its the first weekend of the Playoffs and I was NOT expecting to see my boys in it!

I stand by their side, win or lose, but the playoffs just didn't seem to be in the picture this year.
I've convinced my parents to invite a bunch of people over. I'm going to cook a bunch of food,
and we are going watch our boys play their hearts out.
(Packers are also in the Playoffs so we got allllll day)

 Me and my baby girl, October 2011.

So if you happen to be watching the wildcard games this weekend and you come
across some blue and gold, think of me, and do a little cheer. Send some good vibes to these
guys because if they win this game, they move on. If they lose, their season is over.

GO CHARGERS!

You think you know...

I see this going around Facebook and its been fun to read but

I've been too chicken to "like" any of your posts.

I'm going to be a rebel and do my own list.

I'm going to do 10 because that seems to be the going rate.

10 Things You Might Not Know About Me

10. I sleep with a blankie every night. If I don't have it, I can't sleep.

9. In high school, my best friend and I would go to every event the Chargers

held. It was so bad they started to recognize us. I still know the president
of public relations and I go say hi to her whenever I'm at a game.

8. I used to borrow the Baby Think It Over dolls in middle school because

I thought they were fun. Then I saved up my money to buy my own.

7. I have never broken a bone.

6. I went to a few N'Sync concerts when they were big. Before one of the shows,

we were waiting by the fence near their tour buses trying to get a glimpse. A lady performer

who was opening for them walked over to say hi to the fans and talk with us.

(Don't care...where's Lance Bass?)

That lady was Pink. Oops.

5. I do not like strawberries or strawberry flavored anything.

4. I have had asthma my whole life, I was diagnosed when I was 8 after a hospital stay. 

I still take daily medications to keep it under control.

3. I grew up in the dirt bike world. I have fond memories of my dad's desert racing days,

camping in the desert, waking up before the crack of dawn to leave and playing with my toys

in the back of someone's trailer while my dad was racing.

2. I decided I wanted to marry a Marine after attending Military Appreciation Day at a

Padre game one year and I saw them in formation.

1. I used to be afraid of Pit Bulls and believed all the stereotypes. I am now a huge

Pitty advocate and consider them my favorite breed, We even fostered one sweet

Pitty girl before we moved to 29 Palms.

She is still available for adoption in the San Diego area...

Juliet